[dakil]

We are a couple of months away from our referral and are trying to decide if we should take our 4 yr old biological son or leave him in the states with his grandparents (who he loves).

On one hand it seems like he would share in the whole experience of getting to know her, but I also know that a 10-12 hour time zone change will be hell on him and could take him a week to adjust.

On the other hand being away from each other for two weeks will be hard and it could be tough for him when mom and dad show up with a new baby.

We've been talking to him about us adopting a girl and he's starting to ask more questions but its hard to talk to him about what the process may be like - especially when we are unsure what to do.

It seems like everyone we ask who has had to face the same decision just says that whatever they did was the right thing to do: those that took their child said they couldn't imagine not doing it and those that didn't said it was much better that they went on their own. I don't know if that's an indication that there is no right answer or just people rationalizing their own choice.

I know we have to make up our own minds but I'm interested in hearing from others that have or will be facing a similar decision and how they sorted it out.

Thanks.