[goin'batty]

I haven't read all the posts to you, so forgive me if I repeat something. I just want to start off with saying I'm not trying to push any agenda here. It's perfectly okay to want a closed adoption, and I'm sure there is a bmom out there who wants that.

I was also freaked out by the idea of open adoption. I had no idea why someone would want to share their child. Then I really thought about it. My aunt had adopted a little girl from China and she was just full of questions about what her birthfamily was like. Sometimes it really saddened her not to know anything about them, especially if they were okay. This didn't stem from her wanting to live with them or feeling unloved by her family. She adores her mom, but she was still curious. I thought what it would be like to not know about my background, whose eyes or nose I had, etc. Then I thought about all the questions that I wouldn't be able to answer, from medical issues to the very basic need to know why they were placed for adoption. Those are things I can't answer. I attended an adoptive parenting class where bmom's spoke, and I realized, they aren't people to be afraid of. They have made a decision to place their child with another family because they believe it to be best for that child. They have absolutely no desire to ruin that.


My partner and I are in a fairly open adoption. We have an agreed apon amount of visitation, 4 times a year, and we send pictures to her every month for the first year. She does not come to our house, we meet in neutral places. During our visits, I have never felt threatened by "L". She always comments on how glad she is to see how happy we all are, and I believe she means it. She's never tried to over step the boundaries. To tell you the truth, members of my own family are a heck of a lot bossier than her!

It's a hard thing for people to understand. People ask question like aren't you afraid of his real mother. I always answer back, I'm his real mother. The only people who seem to be confused are those who aren't involved. But I really wouldn't have it any other way. When my son comes up to me and asks why he was placed for adoption, I can call up "L" and have her tell him for herself. Hopefully, he will realize that it was because she loved him so much. It's one thing for me to tell him that, I'm his mom, I'm suppose to say those types of things. But to hear it directly from her I'm hoping will give him satisfaction that it is true.

Just wanted to share my thoughts with you.