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I am an amom in a closed adoption with our first son and a pending open adoption with our hope-to-be permanant second son. It seems like it would be nice to have a child "all to yourself" but as someone who has been there, I can say for myself, it is not all it seems. I adopted my son throught the state. The state didn't have information on any of my son's birth family, exept one brother (my son is #6). I thought about questions he might have as he grows as to his genetic history. I worked hard to meet up finally with his bbrother (who was adopted into another family) and at that time finally got to see a picture of my son's bfather and get more pictures of siblings and of his bmom. It was so valuable to see my son looks like someone (though there is some resemblence to us coincidently) and to be able to have those pictures for him. NO ONE can take my place as his mom. I am mom and will always be. Same with our younger son. I am not threatend by others wanting a part of his life as long as they respect that my dh and I are the parents.
With all that being said, I can say too, I understand when you go through infertility and you feel you have lost so much, it can be difficult to even think that you will never have a child the way you'd always imagined, you very own with no strings tied.
With our younger son, we are hoping to go to mediation with his paternal grandma. I am not so comfortable about all the contact she is hoping for as we just want to be a family with our boys, however, it is not about me. In his case, it's in his best interest to grow up knowing how much his bfamily really loves him and allowing them to express it to him.
There are different degrees of openness. Do what you feel will be most comfortable. It will be better for you to be honest than to regret something you agreed to then back out. Plus one day you will probably answer to your child on the whole issue.
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