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First, let me say, I appreciate all of you that have responded.
To clarify, I know that the baby won't ever be just mine. I guess that thought stems from fear. Fear of the whole process. Fear of the bmom maybe changing her mind. Fear of not having a bond with the baby that would be as strong as the bmom's with the baby. Just fear.
Nicole - After reading the replies I've gotten, I realize that I may have the wrong idea about 'open adoption'. When I think of an open adoption I think of being a 'co-parent' for lack of better words. Like the bmom would come around as much as she wanted and be as big a part of the child's life as I am. That maybe the child calls both of us mom if he/she knows that the other nice lady that visits and obviously loves them so much is their 'real' mom. Maybe the child grows up a little and starts spending the night or weekends with his/her 'real' mom and eventually forsakes me altogether and goes to live with her!
Now I realize that may be a little dramatic or that maybe I've just watched too many movies on the Lifetime channel for women so don't be too hard on me. I'll be the first to admit that I know nothing about adoption. That's why I'm here. To learn. I've honestly never thought about it being easier for the child down the road to be able to find out about themselves. I just seems threatening to me, that I'm leaving myself open to heartache.
But again, thanks for the replies and I'll take any more clarifications and advice that I can get.
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