[3inCO]

Hi. When we adopted our first son we were willing to talk about open adoption, but I must say that I was somewhat relieved when I found out his b-mom wished for only letters and pictures. Untill....he came home and I started to understand that while I would be his mommy, there was someone else out there who has so much to do with who he was. Weather she was around or not, she and his birthfather would always be a part of him. As he grew, he had questions that I could not answer. I felt like I had done him a disservce by not trying harder to leave the door open a little more in the start. He is 8 now and just got an e-mail from his birthsister yesterday. He so longs to know what they are like, what they are doing and most of all just if they are ok.

My second son's birthmom had placed before and wanted a similar experience, again with pictures and letter. However...this time we at least have been able to have his paternal Grandparents around.

By the time my daughter came, I knew it was not about what I wanted. I totally believe that it makes me a better mom to my kids to encourage as much knowledge about their birthfamilies as possibe. They are my kids. We are 100% bonded. I never for one minute think of them in any other way. But they will never be just mine. My family was formed in a different way. Not better or worse. Just different. And because it is different, I can't pretend that they are mine and mine alone.

It is important to be honest as others have said. Promise only what you know you can deliver on. But...as someone who has been there, please leave the door open. You may find yourself wishing you knew more about the birthparents and find yourself worrying about how and where they are. Unable to answer the questions of a little person who you love very much. For me, it is hard NOT to love their birthparents. Without them, my children would not be. Please be true to your feelings, but don't shut the door.

Becky