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Kelly,
21 years ago I placed my bson in a closed adoption. I didn't understand at the time that there were other alternatives. However, given my mindset at the time, I probably would have still placed in a closed adoption. From the minute I found out I was expecting, I thought of the baby as belonging to "someone else". I knew that if I didn't I wouldn't have the courage to part with him.
Looking back, I think it would have been extremely painful during those first couple of years (I barely hung on anyway) to have contact with the beautiful baby I gave to someone else. For me, I was able to recover and go on to a wonderful life. I'm just now starting to think about searching for him.
My only regrets are that I didn't have a say in who would be chosen to be his parents. I know nothing about the family he belongs to or about his health and welfare. I wonder what kind of a man he's become.
I really admire all of the families on this forum who manage open adoptions. I know it must be very scary for adoptive parents and sometimes very painful for birth parents. Reading the posts here have really educated me.
What I'm trying to say is that I believe you'll find someone who will want a closed adoption. Not because they care less than others, but because its what that person needs to be able to get past the pain of relinquishment.
I wish you all the best. You sound a thoughtful and caring woman.
Rhonda
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