Kelly,
LOL... you're probably wanting to hear from aparents, and here you're hearing from three bmoms right off the bat!
I just wanted to say there are some great things about your post....
For one, you seem to not hold this stereotype of bmoms as being total losers, drug addicts, prostitues, etc. THANK YOU for that.
Second, you are being really honest, and that's always the best way to make an informed decision.
Also, I would like to ask what "open adoption" means to you... what does it look like? what do you think of when you hear "open adoption"?
I almost feel like posting my "What open adoption is NOT" list here.... You seem very worried about feeling like the baby's mommy. I can assure you, I would never want my bdaughter's mom to feel like anything less than her mommy.....
As Brandy eloquently stated, the driving force really should be about what's best for the child.
As Brandy and Christine both said, though, it is MUCH better to be honest about what you can't do than lie and change an agreement. Glad to hear you would not do that-- that is wonderful.
Last point... I am in favor of openness. But in spite of that, I will say, to address your concern about being chosen-- there are still birthmothers out there who want closed adoptions. If you do go with closed, you can still get placed with a child.
Good luck in all your soul-searching. And I am sorry for your struggles with fertility...
That must be very hard.
Take care,
Nicole