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We are in the same situation. The bmom is 19 and this is her second baby. Her mom and stepdad are adopting the first one, a little girl. She's just enrolled in college and is sooo excited about going, it's a huge step for her and her sister. She called us, wanting us to take the baby when it's born. Her mom knew how much we wanted a child, but couldn't have our own. She's set her mind that she's a "surrogate" mother, that the baby is ours, not hers, and has signed the papers for me to call the dr's office and talk to the staff about her pregnancy when I can't go to the appts. We've contacted several atty's, the two we are looking at are not as up on the new laws as I'd like, but since I've informed them about the abandonment issues changing from 2 yrs to pregnancy, they are researching, so I feel pretty comfortable with either of them. I've started looking at nursery stuff and actually broke down and bought a swing and saucer at a yardsale. And found some onesies that were in new condition, or close, I figured, I could practice some machine embroidery on them and if I ruined them I wasn't out much! I suggested to her that she ask the dr about recovering from her c-section on the surgery ward instead of the OB that it might be a little easier for her. She lives about 3 hours away, and wants to known as the baby's cousin, and in time when the baby is old enough, we'll have a reunion. Of course she'll get to see it when we get together, but at least it will be a little easier with it not being the same neighborhood, both for her and us.
I'm trying sooo hard to be cautiously optimistic. I know she wants better for the baby than she can give it right now. And she'll always be able to call and talk to the child as it grows up.
She was asking me when we would tell the child it was adopted and I told her it would be when the child was emotionally mature enough, or started asking questions. And that we would tell it that his or her mommy loved it very much, that she wanted it to have more than she was prepared to give it, and that she knew how much we wanted a child to love and raise. I guess my question is when do you normally tell a child they are adopted? How do you tell them? When do you address the bioparents issue and introductions? I would prefer to wait till the child was 18 for the meeting and let it be their choice.
I wish you all the best of luck and you will be in my prayers. It's all in His hands!
Chey
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