[pingaa3]

I too was petrified that I was already harming this child coming into my life by "yanking" her away from her birthmom and detaching her and leaving her unbonded. I was very concerned about "bonding". I had purchased this HORRID book call Primal Wound which basically said that the initial removal from the birthmom forms a permanent irreparable wound to their hearts and minds that the adoptive mom (who is not the "real" mom) could never replace or heal that wound. The child would forever be damaged/wounded by that initial separation.

Pardon the language but what a sack of manure! While I do agree that newborns know the voices and scent of their birth mothers, I know for a fact that they can "bond" to whomever is their primary caregiver.

We didn't really do the "bonding" things that are so in these days. My DH and I didn't consistently feed our daughter with bare skin contact or any other specific method. We held her, picked her up when she cried, fed her when she was hungry, changed her when she was dirty, bathed her, played with her, cuddled her, sometimes slept in the same bed as her and in general loved the ****ens out of her, but we never specifically bonded in a prescribed way with her.

My daughter knows my husband and I are her primary care/love givers, her mommy and daddy. I'm the only one who can soothe her when she is frightened. I'm the only one who can get her to eat if she is cranky. I'm her mommy. Her daddy plays with her and can make her smile like nobody else, even me. Her face lights up when he comes home from work. She prefers to be held by us. My daughter is no more or less bonded/attached to us than our friends biological son is to his parents who followed the bonding advice. We love her! I like to think that she loves us.

Don't worry too much about the perfect bonding experience. You're child will "bond/attach" to you from the moment you take him/her home from the hospital. The tasks and love that come with daily care of a newborn are the bonding/attachment experience. It is natures perfect design to "bond" you to each other out of need and love.

Hope It Works Out Ok. Try not to stress on it too much.

I