[l-thompson]

kerry lynn ~ I am sorry you are feeling this way. To spend your life believing one thing and then finding out something different would be difficult to deal with.

You say you are 35 and so you were born in the era where we were all meant to live happily ever after. The birthmother would go on to live her life and the memories of her child and the relinguishment would eventually fade, the adoptee would settle into its new family and not have any questions at all about their origins, they would just slot in and this family would become theirs and the adoptive parents believed that once they had their baby in their home that would be the end of that chapter in their lives. Never for a moment did they think that their child may want to search in the future, I don't think they ever considered this a possibility as the basic way of thinking back then was if you are a good parent your child will never have the desire nor the need to search.Well, I guess its only been in recent years that society now knows that its not so black and white and perhaps they didn't get it quite right.

I understand how you will have negative feelings towards your amother but please stand back for just a moment......to spin the stories she has been I think may be a reflection of her own insecurity. I think maybe she thought if she made the story sound not so good that it would discourage any notion you may have to search. In her mind too it was reinforcing that she was the best mother for you and that the right decision had been made for all involved. I know it hurts but I think in a way she was trying to protect herself and you too from what may be found if you ever searched one day.

My amother said very little about my birthmother. She didn't give me untruths as in your case but she didn't tell me the truth. My amother just didn't want to acknowledge that I was adopted and certainly didn't want to discuss any aspects of the very beginnings of my life - no way, my life started the day i entered their family. I was angry for a while when I realised she knew more than she ever let on but as time has moved on there is a part of me inside that feels sad for her - she was just not secure enough in our relationship to be open and honest. I believe she thought if the truth came out her and my father would risk losing their daughter.

Can you sit down with your mother and get it all out in the open?
I wouldn't do it just yet as I sense your feelings are still very intense - understandably so. Let things settle for a while, see what the therapist says but it would be so sad to see this affect, from what I can read, what has been a good mother/daughter relationship up to this point.

Take Care