[bbunny1957]

Hello everyone I'm back. I see a lot has been happening in my absence. A lot of hurt, anger and unrequited love. Hope no one minds my 2 cents.
G, I am so sorry you have been so hurt. No one will ever truly uderstand your pain and sense of rejection because your experience only happened to you. No I'm not being a smart alec. Everyone's experience is just different enough to be unique to them. Even though it's all called the same thing, "the adoption experience". I can't fully appreciate your pain, but I can understand the depth of it because I too have suffered. I think that's all we really want is for someone to acknowledge our right to our pain. What we all went through, bmothers, bchildren, siblings, all of us in the forum. suffer because of adoption.
I'm not saying that adoption isn't the right answer in some instances, just that for some of us it didn't turn out to be the great solution we were told it would be. Our bchildren resent us for abandoning them, we hurt and resent (if we're honest and admit it) the A-parents who get to raise our beloved children, our future children live with a parent who's wounded and carries another absent child in her heart. Yes, sometimes it does work and everyone involved is happy over the outcome, but I believe those times are rare. As you said, your A-parents did a great job, but you still feel like someone, a very important someone, rejected you. Can you imagine, just for one moment, the guilt a mother, not a animal that births a child and walks away, but a mother who is honestly committed to giving her child a better life, the guilt that woman would feel if she were to realize how great an impact her decision would have on your feelings about yourself as an adult of 30+ yrs. Honestly, your statement broke my heart. I sit here with tears in my eyes for that rejected little boy. I pray to God my darling son does not ever feel that I rejected him over his sister. But I think in my heart of hearts he does and I cry for that.
Unfortunately, we're never going to stop people from acting irresponsibly and we all have to admit that is exactly what we did and our children suffer for it. That is why I will never give up on telling my son through my actions, not words, that I never will stop loving him. He may not listen, but one day it may sink through. Not for my sake, but for his, so he will stop feeling rejected and unwanted. I don't know how I'll get him to understand that his adoption was my fault, my actions caused it, not his, not him and certainly not any failure on his part to be a child I wanted to keep. His arrival was my bad timing, not his. And yes if that's guilt, then pardon my political incorrectness, mea culpa.