[sak9645]

... about conditions in Ukraine orphanages, as my daughter is from China.

Nonetheless, I CAN tell you that kids vary enormously, and their readiness to move from a crib to a toddler bed or directly to a twin bed tends to be dependent on factors such as their size, their activity level, their sleep habits, and their general disposition.

I adopted my daughter, Rebecca, when she was 18.5 months old. She was extremely tiny, weighing only 17 lb. at the time.

I do not know what sort of sleeping arrangements Becca had in China, as I was not allowed to visit the children's sleeping quarters, and the orphanage staff had time for only a few questions. However, I could see, right away, that she was very comfortable with the portacrib supplied by the hotel in Xiamen (Fujian province), where I was staying at the time. She immediately settled into a very predictable sleep and nap routine there.

Becca was also comfortable in the old fashioned, somewhat rickety wooden crib in the hotel in Guangzhou (Guangdong province), where I had to go to obtain her visa to enter the U.S. Both of the hotels' cribs were substantially smaller than typical American cribs, yet she fit well and did not act as if she felt "confined." I suspected that Becca had probably been in a small crib in the orphanage.

When we arrived home, my daughter also reacted positively to her crib. It was somewhat wider and longer than the ones she had been using in the hotels, and I quickly learned one thing about her -- that she could be a very active sleeper, given enough room. I always said that she slept like the hands on a clock -- in a different position every minute. Sometimes, she even slept crosswise, with her feet sticking through the bars on one side and her hands doing the same on the other side. Now I was sure that she had not been in a toddler bed or regular bed in China, or she would have fallen out constantly -- possibly onto a hard floor, since my guess is that orphanages don't use carpet in sleeping rooms, because it is harder to keep clean than tile or linoleum.

On the other hand, Becca was a very mellow child, a bit delayed in gross motor skills, and definitely not an athlete or risk-taker. Initially, she never called me when she awoke in the morning or at naptime, and simply waited for me to come and get her. That, of course, was probably orphanage-taught behavior. But even after she had been home a while, she tended to call me when she wanted to leave her crib, but not to stand up in her crib or to try to climb out.

There was only one time, when she was around two, that she actually did try to climb out. She landed, unhurt but somewhat surprised and scared, on the carpet. She quickly decided that climbing out was NOT something she would try again for a long, long time!

Becca showed no interest in toddler beds and twin beds for quite a long time, even when she began visiting the homes of other children who used them. She loved her crib, and went happily into it when bedtime and naptime came. Frankly, I think she would have stayed in a crib until she was in kindergarten, if I had let her. And because she was tiny, she probably would not have been uncomfortable.

When Becca was almost three, she decided that she was ready to try to climb out of her crib again. This time, she had the physical skills and judgment to do it successfully. She was daytime toilet trained by then, and in a pullup at night, so she would often awaken in the morning, get out of her crib, go to the bathroom, and then either let me know that she was up or put herself back into her crib. Interestingly, she did not tend to let herself out of her crib and go wandering around at night.

When Becca was about 3.5, I bought her a wooden toddler bed, which could use the crib mattress. Although she was somewhat ambivalent about moving out of her crib, she was quite impressed by the pretty bed -- I chose it because I knew it would appeal to her very "girly" tastes -- and was willing to make the change.

The toddler bed was very low to the ground -- maybe 18 inches or so. It did not come with side rails, but because of its height, it really didn't need them. Yes, Becca remained an active sleeper. And, yes, she fell out of bed frequently during the first year. What was funny, however, was that she remained asleep when she did so! I would often see her lying sound asleep on the carpet. Although I lifted her back into her bed, at first, I found that it tended to disturb her when I did so. So I learned just to let her sleep. When she awoke at some point in the night, she would simply put herself back to bed.

I could not have given Becca a twin bed instead of a toddler bed at that point, even if I had wanted to do so, as we were living in a condo that was a little on the small side. We did not move until Becca was 5.5 years old and had finished kindergarten.

When we moved to a house, I bought a "big girl" bedroom set for Becca. It had a twin bed, a night table, a desk and chair, and a dresser with a mirror. While she was a bit worried about the move, learning that she would have a dresser WITH A MIRROR really changed her attitude. She was utterly thrilled.

I didn't put bed rails on the twin bed, because Becca's sleeping habits had settled down a bit during her second year in the toddler bed. And, sure enough, she never fell out of the twin bed. Becca is now 8.5 years old, and she still loves her room -- although she now grumbles that she should have a king-sized bed like mine, mainly to accommodate her menagerie of stuffed animals, I think.

Obviously, not every child is like Becca. Becca has one close friend, also from China, who is very active, coordinated, and determined. She is also quite tall. Having come home from China at about one year of age, she began climbing out of her crib routinely at 17 months. Fortunately, she was in a crib that could convert to a toddler bed, and so her Mom simply did the conversion. While the toddler bed was much higher than Becca's, the little girl's Mom put all sorts of pillows and such on the carpet to serve as a cushion if she fell out at night. She never did fall out, of course, although she sometimes got out of bed to go into her Mom's room and climb in with her.

Obviously, my arrangements would not have worked for this little girl. They would also not have worked for any child who was big, active, and adventuresome.

If it is at all possible, you should wait to set up a crib or bed for your son-to-be, until you know his age and temperament. If you haven't discarded or given away your daughter's crib and toddler bed, it shouldn't be too hard for you to arrange with a handy family member or friend to set up the correct item, once you call or e-mail from Ukraine when you know your needs. (Just remember to leave him/her the necessary hardware for the crib; it always seems to go missing when you need it.) And if you no longer have your daughter's crib and toddler bed, you may well have a relative or friend who has leftover baby equipment that you can borrow.

Even if the crib or toddler bed was bought with your daughter or someone else's daughter in mind, you can always decide to purchase something more "boyish" later on. And if your son turns out to be a very big and active preschooler, he can probably use the guest room, if you have one, or a borrowed mattress on the floor, until you can buy a twin bed for his room.

Remember that younger children may not even feel comfortable sleeping alone in a room, if they have grown up in an orphanage, where private bedrooms simply don't exist. And remember that, in many foreign countries, children routinely sleep in their parents' bed, so even if your child was with his birthparents for some length of time, he may never have had his own bedroom.

As a result, even if you do set up a handsome room for your son, it may take some time before he is emotionally ready to use it. He may well wind up sleeping in your bed, or on a mattress on the floor in your bedroom, for some time. Or he may feel more secure sleeping on a mattress in his sister's room, if she will tolerate it, until he gets totally comfortable with his new life.

Sharon