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KathrynsMommy,
Don't know if you're still reading this thread, but I'll take a stab at it...
I guess I'm curious as to what, exactly, your concerns are. You mentioned that you feel like you have "competition."
This surprises me a bit. I've read some of your other posts, and seem to remember you saying that you are a birthmom yourself. Is this correct?
Do you feel that your birthchild's amom is some sort of competition for you as a birthparent?
I ask b/c I really cannot understand. As a birthmom, the very idea of "competition" between the aparents and bparents makes me cringe. BOTH sets of parents play an important role in their children's lives. I am the link to Marie's orgins, her past, and her biology. Her amom is her mommy, her caretaker, her security.
There is plenty of room for both of us in her life. It's not a competition--it's a complement. We complement each other perfectly.
Even if your daughter's bmom turns out to be petty or difficult, your daughter may need to figure out for herself whether she wants this woman in her life. She is your daughter's relative.... would you cut her off from her grandmother if grandma was petty or difficult?
To tell the truth, I don't 16 is an unusual age for her to be wanting reunion. Having never navigated a reunion, I will say that I'm sure the other posters are right--it surely seems to be a difficult, emotional process. But if she is wondering NOW, wanting this NOW, I'm not sure there is a good reason for delaying.... Assuming this woman is not some kind of monster, if she and your daughter both want to know each other, what is the point of keeping them apart?
I know this is easy for me to say... difficult for you to go through. I do hope you'll let me know about your own birthmother status, though... could that be playing any kind of a role in your discomfort with this?
With concern for you, Kathryn, and all involved,
Nicole
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