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DBM, I agree with the other posters that there is vast difference in the adoption experience and the route options, as often witnessed here in these forums. In my experience, your social workers "estimate" of expected fee is very accurate, regardless of the race of the child you adopt, which has often been a big misconception here! The biggest financial difference tends to be in the route one chooses - the choice of a fully licensed agency or adopting independently, using an attorney. A licensed agency has greater fees but often speaking less financial risk for you as an adoptive parent. There are dozens of agencies that provide medical care through their physician (using agency funds, now mostly Medicaid), provide counseling, make housing available (if needed), have independent representation for both adoptive families and expectant mothers and many have in house legal services for finalization. Your fees are applied to a successful adoption, not to a match; expectant mother expenses are never paid by you per se on an individual basis. They are things provided by the agency.

Your ageny fee does not change, whether your first adoption "match" is successful or whether you have several failed "matches." There are many here who have networked independently (and give good advice on doing so) and adopted successfully. We read voraciously and decided that an agency adoption was the ONLY path for us. We experienced two failed matches before our daughter was born; we were disappointed and sad but able to get right back on the roller coaster and wait. We NEVER experienced anger as an emotion in this process. For us, our brief disappointment paled in comparison to a lifetime of a woman's regret had she made a decision that was not right for her. I think there would have been a much greater propensity to become angry had we lost money that would have sidetracked us or put our parenting plans on hold.

The last time this issue arose, there were many posters who were completely unaware that such agencies exist. If you find one, after gathering information packets and speaking to others, contact the Bureau of Licensing in your state; they will tell you the status of the agency's licensure. Following an annual survey the agency has 60 days to complete a plan of action and correct any issues that have arisen. It does not mean that there aren't bad agencies out there; there are, but they have far more checks/balances and requirements in place than other routes.

Regardless of your path, best of luck.