[banjo]

You are probably right about reunion not being terribly successful with both bmother and amother in the picture but then children survive well with step parents these days. Is it possible to consider a birthparent to be like a sort of step parent that does not parent?? Is it all about loyalty to the parents and mistrust with the bparents? I just believe that at somestage - it could be 20 years from now. I'm going to fit in somewhere in my bdaughter's life. We'll reconnect and have a close relationship. But I believe that as much as it hurts, I have to continue to let her know that I love and care about her - even if it's only through gifts and cards.

Sorry about your bmother not wanting contact. Please realise I did not know about adoptee pain and suffering until I started doing reading on adoption. So she's probably drowning in her pain without a clue of what you are going through. She would have been told that adoption was the best for you so she probably thinks that you don't really have an issue with it... It's not a good excuse I know but I think people in reunion need to do some research about adoption - there are some good books out there - so that they can come to understand each other's issues and learn to deal with it. Plus I think you have to give reunion TIME. But if one side is not co-operating then it's so sad for the other party - especially an adoptee who has a right to have answers to many basic question.

Having said all that I'm like Colleen - somedays this adoption business drives me batty and I just want to run away and hide and not think about it anymore. have a great time in New York. lol Banjo