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Hi, I too was surprized at how young your daughter was to be in reunion.
As her mother, I too would be concerned -- do you know who found who and how the connection was made or was this one of the semi-open adoptions?
Most firstmoms I have met on the various lists I belong to, who were the ones to initiate searches, usually did not do so until after the child was 21.
That is why I think it is of the utmost importance that you allow her full openness with YOU so that you can safeguard her and support her during this time.
Reunion is a rollercoaster ride for everyone involved and at 16, very few young women are really emotionally ready for this. Since it has begun already, it is too late to do anything about it, just be careful to let yourself be case in the role of the "bad" guy.
By remaining very open, very supportive and interested in what is going on you will be doing to the very best thing to safeguard her. Is there a gentle way to get yourself into this, as your are the other part of the triad.
As your daughter is still underage, and in a lot of states would not even be able to access her info, much less have unsupervised contact, see if you can get your daughter to let you talk to this woman or get to know her in someway.
Use the boards for any rants or raves you need to make (don't do them in front of your daughter or the fmother), you can feel free to contact me directly off the forum if you wish.
You do have a right and a need to be a part of this. I, personally, would want to know a lot more about the first mother. The really good thing I hear in all is this is that your daughter feels safe enough with your relationship to tell you about this contact -- just keep that door way open.
My daughter is 36 and although she is the one who initially posted and eventually I found it and responded, it was/is emotionally overwhelming for her at times --- as it is for me.
Hope I am not exiled from my fellow fmoms for my response to this, but we are talking about a 16 year old girl here and I really think the adults should have been in contact from the get go -- sorry to all you teenagers too -- but you are still young and never as worldly wise and mature as you often feel you are. Aishlin
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