[banjo]

I agree with most of your last post. It's hard to define the roles but like any successful relationship there needs to be (positive) history. but with adoption there's always the rejection/abandonment factor which equates to a lack of trust. Correct me if I'm wrong (I'm a birthmother not an adoptee) but I think an adoptees pain is a bit like being dumped by someone (the birthmother) you seriously are in love with who then years later wants to come back into your life. They (the birthmother)are like a stranger. You have a new partner (amother)that you love. Therefore what can this ex-love's (bmother)role be?? Can you ever trust them again or would you think that they could dump and run again? Or has life moved on so much that there's no going back? Does this make any sense? Do you think that I'm vaguely close?

I too get frustrated - I want more contact but I too have to take it day by day. Some times I think I am taking the crumbs off the table and I get really angry and other days I consider any tiny piece of contact I get to be drops of gold.

I'd say your daughter is unsure about it all as well - plus I find I am talking less on the phone and emailing friends and family more and more. I am a writer so it's a medium that I enjoy. Most young people I mix with just constantly text message with their mobile phones - never actually talking!

I think us birthmothers are like outsiders looking in. I just try to accept the reality of the situation and think of positive things that I can do to keep in touch ie send a cool card or a tiny "thinking of you" gift.

I also think that my bchild has a right to be angry and unhappy with my decision to alter her life completely.

I have read of positive reunions and often both parties took it slow to begin with ie swapping letters or emails for long periods before taking the next steps etc. lol Banjo