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Hi, the prior responses to your post were really excellent -- I am a first mom who has been in reunion via phone and email with my daughter now for 7 months and please believe me I have no intentions of ever interfering with her relationship with her family.
What we are developing is unique and separate relationship but not a competitive one in any way. My daughter needed to here the "why" and "how" questions answered and the only one who could truly answer those is the woman who bore her.
She is very close to her parents and I am very glad and relieved that she was given the love and support that fostered that kind of relationship.
Please do not get into a defensive mode and do try to understand that she needs to fill in the gaps -- they are not ones you made -- they are situational. Try not to make it an either or situation.
I gave her love and life but it was the aparents that gave her the love and the ability to grow to be who she is today.
Most fmoms have spent a large part of their lives with a hole in their soul, second guessing their decision and worried about how their child faired and hoping and praying that they were adopted by loving parents.
A lot were coerced into adoption in the first place and never allowed to grieve their loss and were supposed to act like it never happened. This is where they are coming from. They are seeking "closure". They have no animosity toward those who have provided and protected and loved their child nor are they trying to take them back.
JMO, but the best thing would be to try, and I know it is hard, to relax and go with the flow. Things will work out fine as long as it is not turned into a competition or guilt trip for the child. Be proud that your daughter trusted her relationship enought to tell you she has made contact -- a lot of adoptese keep this a secret because the fear how it will be taken on the homefront. Aishlin
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