[tobeafamily]

I can't address all your issues, but I can some.

As you've already experienced, there is no risk-free way to become a parent. Choosing an adoption path is about balancing risks and benefits.

You must ask yourselves these kinds of questions:

1. How important is it that your child share your ethnic heritage?
2. How important is it that your child be a newborn?
3. How willing/able are you to travel with little or no notice?
4. How much are you willing/able to spend in fees?
5. How prepared do you feel parenting a child who may have been exposed to abuse/neglect/institutionalization, known or unknown at time of placement?
6. How comfortable are you sharing your values, beliefs, lifestyle with others you don't know or don't know well?

It is very possible to adopt a newborn within 1-2 years within the United States. Requiring that the adoption be closed - i.e. no exchange of information, ongoing contact, etc. extends this timeline as most domestic parental placement adoptions involve some level of openness and ongoing communication.

It's rare to have a newborn whose parental rights have already been terminated in waiting child/foster care adoption though it does happen. In most cases the child is placed 'at risk' meaning that the child may or may not ever be 'free' for adoption. There may or may not be ongoing contact with birth family, though these tend to be more closed than open.

International adoptions are always of older infants and toddlers - youngest I've heard of is 4 months. They are almost always closed situations and parental rights have been terminated before paparents are referred.

HTH,

Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas