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We are adopting my nephew. My best friend adopted her niece's son. Please don't blow off the previous comments about your extended family's reactions . I know you think you have it all figured out, but in real life things sometimes change. My father and grandmother often feel put in the middle, my sister sometimes regrets placing her son. It is not easy. I would in the least recommend counseling right now for you and your husband, your niece and the potential birthfather, and your niece's parents. See an adoption professional or someone who has dealt with adoption issues. Seriously see everything that can happen, and don't just wear rose colored glasses thinking it will all work out. It can work out, but it will take more work than a typical adoption and you should be ready.
Your niece is this baby's mother and will be treated as such by the hospital and everyone else until she signs the relinquishment papers. She needs to be allowed to see this baby and hold this baby and probably spend some time alone with this baby before she can say good bye to it. Otherwise it will be very hard for her grieving after placing this child.
I would suggest really seeking out some adoption professionals. The things your family is telling you is out of ignorance of never having dealt with adoption before. I think we probably all start out that way. It will be your job to educate them, its not always easy. Get a book on open adoption- Lois Melina wrote a great one. Brenda Romachek contributes to the forum often and would have some great advice for you. Also look for some books on specifically on family adoption.
If you decide and your niece decides to move forward with this adoption, you can do it, but make sure you have educated yourself for the best possible chance at success.
I hope this turns out however it turns out best for the baby- good luck and wishes to all of you.
Lisa
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