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Legally, there is no "letting her" do anything. It's HER baby until she signs the relinquishment papers, which usually can't be signed until 24-72 hours after the birth. She can do anything she likes with the baby while it's her child, of course.
In fact, she can forbid YOU to hold HER baby if she chooses!
That didn't feel so nice to read, did it? Of course not. So let go of any ideas your family may have about controlling her access to her own child, and let her decide her own access just as you'll decide yours.
Yes, it's going to be difficult to watch her hold the child and be sad because she wishes she could raise him/her. But that's a crucial decision point that shouldn't be denied, even if you could. You say she's got a good head on her shoulders, so let her use it.
You said "I am meeting with my sister and the birth parents next Sunday to do the final - "yes, you can have the baby". " PLEASE remember that this meeting is NOT the final one! It isn't the final decision until after the baby is born, the relinquishment papers are signed, and the change of heart period of time is over. The decision will be made and re-made a hundred times between now and then.
I wish you luck, and hope it all works out. But go in with both your eyes wide open, and don't assume you have more rights than you really do. It'll go easier that way.
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