[ACR]

Well, it's finally happened. My 14 year-old son was adopted at birth and has always known about his adoption. Over the years, he has had a few questions in regard to his birthmother (never about a birthfather) which my husband and I have always answered openly and honestly. We have always been a close family.

Yesterday, we had to give my son a serious consequence (took away a planned party) because we found marijuana in his room (this isn't the first time). Despite the fact that we have emphasized to him all the dangers and illegality of any drug including pot, he and his friends continue to use it on occasion. Because he broke our house rules (not to mention the law) we gave him the consequence. As a result, he was very angry, and for the first time (except once when he was much younger) came out with the "You're not my REAL Mom" thing. It hurt when he was younger, but I found it easier to deal with at the time. I'm having a harder time now as my son is almost 15 and is very much aware how much this comment has the potential to hurt. I understand that that was his goal-- he was very angry with me, because of the party as well as the fact that I relayed some of the unacceptable language he used to me during the course of the rather stormy day we had to my husband which he sees as a a betrayal whenever this happens.

So, my question is-- How do I effectively deal with this? I am so angry and hurt that I feel like either having my own tantrum and/or completely withdrawing from my son. However, I don't want to lower myself to a teenage level nor do I want to give his hateful comment much power by reacting to it too much. Please help! We had planned a shopping trip today, and I just don't think I can spend time with my son right now...