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Interesting that you wrote this post. I was just considering asking a similar question about openness on the fost/adopt threads. Understandably, the views seem to be very different between parents who have adopted children who were willingly relinquished in hopes of a better life, and those that were placed in foster care because of abuse/neglect. Our dd, luckily was not physically abused -- she never left the hospital with her bparents, but she was drug and alcohol exposed which is considered abuse. We too went through the long hard road of DSS trying to "reunite" her with her bparents. Her bmother lost interest really quickly, but her bfather fought. He didn't relinquish until he too, was faced with termination. But he agreed to relinquish under the terms that we would maintain contact. Not an easy thing to do because of our anger over the whole situation. We have maintained contact for our daughter's best interest - not his. I believe that knowing that her bfamily loves her will be beneficial in her life. I also believe (in your case) that children have this amazing loyalty to their parents (even bad ones). How much of his bmother does he remember? Would he be more secure in his life knowing that, even though she made a LOT of mistakes, she still cares about him? I think that if you are not comfortable with him having contact with her at this point you have to follow your heart. But I would recommend you staying in contact with her through letters and pictures. That way, when he is ready to have contact with her you will know where to find her and he will know that you loved him enough to do that for him. Good Luck!
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