[NanaC]

<<<However what if they can't work it out? I think they would need help. Not to educate the expectant father on thre finer points of adoption, but to help them come to a workable solution. Perhaps a counselor would be more suited for this than an agency.>>>

Mediation is, imo, a really good place for couples in this situation to work through the issues. That is of course, assuming that they just need to work through the particulars of getting the child raised, since there will be no adoption. Sometimes it is not productive to spend alot of time on how everyone feels, or why they are doing this or that, and mediation is good for those situations. It is focused on ironing stuff out, not analyzing why you have the stuff to iron out.

Diane also made an interesting comment about fathers who are really motivated to raise their child, as opposed to fathers who just don't want their child adopted out but also don't want to take responsibility. This is a valid issue, but I do want to share that there is no lack of making it seem like the father wanting to be responsible is actually just trying to throw a wrench into a good plan, and has no intentions of being responsible. There are plenty of men who have had every intention of being responsible, who have been subjected to baseless accusations and insults from the agencies.

If we are perfectly honest here, we have to admit that not too many agencies enjoy running into a father who wants to raise his child, when the mother is willing to surrender. I mean, it isn't exactly good for business.

I wish everyone would sit back and imagine what kind of reception a father would get if he marched into an adoption agency and wanted to make an adoption plan for his unborn child, when the mother really wanted to parent. I'm never sure why it is so different when it is the other way around, as it so often is. I know there are alot of loser expectant fathers, but there are loser expectant mothers too, and last I heard, no one thought it was right that these fathers try to arrange an adoption in spite of the fact that the mother didn't want to.

I realize all things aren't exactly equal, but they are equal enough to realize that something just isn't right with this "helping the birthfather to see the light" business.