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texas-mom-to-be,
I am sure it must be really scary, and probably heartbreaking, for a prospective aparent to be in a situation where 1. they are matched with a birthmother, but 2. the birthfather does not want to relinquish. I can only imagine how agonizing that must be, for the p-aparents.
However... I think it is absolutely NOT wise to sit down with a bfather and point out the benefits of adoption. Frankly... I don't think that's agency's job, either; it's certainly NOT the potential aparents' job.
My feeling is this: if the birthmother wants the adoption to take place, it is her responsibility to talk to an unwilling birthfather. For any agency or p-aparent to do so would be unwise and (in my humble opinion) immoral. (In the case of rape or some other horrific experience, then I'd grant the agency the right to speak for the birthmom.. but still not the p-aps.)
If you think about it, before a child is born, if the pregnant woman wants to make an adoption, and the bio father does not, then the dispute is really this: a difference of opinion, between two parents, on how their child should be raised.
Does that sound like something any agency or any other outsider should be involved in resolving?
Let the expectant mom and dad work it out. Frankly, if he does not want to sign, and someone pressures him to do so, his rights are being violated (I realize you're not talking about pressuring, but it could come off this way), and... if he could prove in a court, later, that he was coerced into signing, he could be awarded custody. Surely not a legal mess you'd want to be involved in...
Last... talking about the benefits of open adoption as a means for convincing ANYONE to sign (be it a pregnant woman or the bio father) is, to me, not quite wise. While there is nothing wrong with pointing out the benefits of open adoption to someone already considering signing, or bringing it up for the FIRST TIME to someone who's reluctant to sign due to an old-fashioned view of adoption, open adoption should never be the final selling point for adoption (again, in my humble opinion). If the bio father is not convinced that someone else raising his kids is best, then... the type of adoption he chooses is obsolete. No father (or mother) should relinquish unless they feel it's truly best for the child. The seed--the germ--of an adoption plan should come from this thought, this idea--
I'm not anti-adoption, DEFINITELY not open adoption (very pro-openness, actually), but... I just don't think this is a good tactic to take.
Hope I did not offend you. I think your intentions are honorable (help the birthmother with her adoption plan), but I just don't think it's a good idea to get involved.
Good luck with your journey!
(Hugs),
Nicole
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