[lmh5]

I am sitting here trying to find a way through words to express myself, and I am not sure I am able to.

First, please allow me to say, reading all of the threads have been a balm to my soul. I have never even tried to find support after I gave up my daughter because my family made me feel so completely unworthy. Unworthy to be her mother, unworthy of compassion, unworthy of emotional support, unworthy of any rights at all.

She is going to be 15 this fall. Can you believe it? 15. It's been 15 years since my heart was ripped out of my chest and I was left bleeding to death and told to get over it. And this from my adoptive parents.

I can't get her back, I can't have those years back, and I can't change what happened. I know all this. But it doesn't change my anger. I am 35 years old and my parents continue to refuse to hear my voice. They didn't listen then, and they refuse to listen now. How pathetic is it that I am still so hurt by them?

They told me to choose, them or my daughter. You want to hear something totally sick? I chose them. I didn't think I could live without their "love". I am still waiting for their love, and my kid is gone.

I am so angry and there is nothing I can do about it. It's like hitting the wind. It was a closed adoption, so I still have years to wait before I can even hope to hear from her.

There is nothing to be done. I need to find peace. I need to let my anger go and rest in my faith. I need to stop wanting to change the things I can't and just accept my parents limits.

I am so very glad to have found this site. Praise to all of you. You have made me feel not quite as alone.

Laura