[love4]

My girls will tell you that I always told them I would support them if they searched. I had fears but I kept them to myself because I realized if it was important to them to search then I would support them because I loved them. I am taking my youngest to find her birthparents in 2 years. This is love and support even though fear is present.
How wonderful to have so much confidence that there is no fear but for many the reality is that they do fear. Sometimes their worst fear happens. My daughter moved in with her birthparents and avoids me most of the time. This is what adoptive parents fear. It happens.
I can imagine many will think I must have been a bad mother. That hurts because I loved and nurtured and gave my girls the best. But you will think what you will. I know inside I did my best.
Just as I love and support the best I can my daughter's need to have a relationship with her birthmom and I embrace her birthmom's need to heal, I need some embracing too. It would ease my fears (which aren't there anymore because the worst happened). I want to feel that I just wasn't a babysitter.
Do my feelings count? Yes, I think they do. Yours count too.
My daughter is mostly gone out of my life now but my door is always open for her and her birthfamily. I want to embrace them all. I just don't know where they are. love4