Brenda,

All of what you said is very true, The issue we are talking about is understanding and patience. As an adoptee. the fact that both parents are understanding and trully suport the adoptee, as most people know here, is very important to me.

What we are talking about is affording aparents the same understanding that bmoms want in asituation where one side is fearful of what happens in a reunion. We have all heard stories of bmoms not wanting contact. Often it is because of fear and the fact bmom has not dealt with loss. That is all very understandable, although can be hurtful to the adoptee. We are told to have patience, understand where she is coming from, give her time ect. My premise is that the aparents are deserving of the same understanding, patience and time. Well, one may say, they had my child,...they were able to see my child grow.....thats right....and the love they feel is no different then any parent. They will feel fear and uncertianty. The doubts about parenting will come shining thu....all the doubts that they were able to stifle about reasons for adopting will come up and bite them....does that mean they are bad....no, just human. No, it does not mean they are mean or selfish....I beleive that those that will latch on to the aparents feelings and use it ot minimize who they are as parents as being a little mean.

It goes back to the competition between aparents and bparents.....

An open adoptation of today can not be compared to a reunion situation in a closed. Two different kettles of fish.....