[dl]

The attitude that you convey as a biological Mother comes across to me, an adoptee, as extremely SELFISH and MEAN-SPIRITED .

IMO, when a biological Parent/Mother relinquishes a child it is not because she is unable to "share" the child, it is because she is unable to parent the child. Fortunately for the child's sake there were/are aparents that were/are able to parent the child. For anyone to dismiss the value of the parents that parented that child is SELFISH and MEAN-SPIRITED in this adoptees opinion.

On this forum there are many threads that focus on the biological parent's pain and the adoptee's wound. The pain of the adoptive parent ~ at the period that led them to create their family by adoption or during the time of reunion is most times dismissed. As an adoptee, I find this very insulting.

My aParents NEVER focused on their pain or their loss, while after reading posts on this forum, I'm sure both existed. All they focused on is their joy in being my parents. They never diminished the fact that I had biological parents. In return, I would never diminish the fact that they were my parents in every sense of the word.

In communication with my biological Father this past year I am very appreciative that he acknowledged in his first letter to me that while he was convinced after seeing my pictures that he was my "biological Father" but he understood that he "had no right to that title of Father. The man that raised you and supported you all those years has the right to that title." How wonderful for me that he did not have any SELFISH and MEAN-SPIRITED intentions. It made our reunion so much easier and realistic for both of us.

As an adoptee, I find your comment "it would be so unfair on yourself and the whole experience for you and your b/parent(s) to also have to be looking after others with high needs" extemely one sided. The only one, IMO as an adoptee, that had "high needs" was the infant I once was, that needed parents and a loving home. That which my biological parents were unable/unwilling to provide.