[OnceWasDavid]

Absolutely! All A-moms cannot be painted with the same brush. I would also truly hope that their thoughts and comments are accepted and acknowledged....after all, isn't that why we are hear. Isn't that exactly what we need right at this moment.

The fact that fear plays into the reunion process is a reality. Every single person in my adopted family has felt it since my reunion, in varying degrees. They wouldn't be my family if something like this didn't get them on guard. Just imagine that (potential) threat for just a moment, that their bother/sister/son/daughter might not want to be in this family anymore (for example), or that this other family might do something to hurt me, and I think we would all agree that some claws and fangs and emotions come out.

And what did my bmom fear when we first met? About a billion-kazillion things. Would I hate her. Would I 'abandon' her.

Fear is core to what we are all taking about. From beginning to end. The way that we play our cards when fear is behind everything, is not a simple matter. I believe the amom has a right to feel defensive. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The fact that my amom didn't freak out was more astonishing to me, than if she had. I think I expected to be held back. I expected someone to slow me down, or to put their feelings in front of my needs. And I would have done everything, taking years if need be, to ensure my family that they would always be. But at the end of the day...I would have found my truth, or at least pursued it. Because as I returned from that first trip to meet the woman that gave me life, I would hold my moments of thought and reflection until I was assured that my family was ok. Truly, what more could I do.

Somehow I must have taught my aparents right, because they seemed more sure about my search than I. But maybe more-so, I just said it in a way that raised hairs on the back of their necks. I explained wanting to give a parent the piece of mind they deserved. Of simply knowing that their child was doing ok. That strikes a very significant cord with any parent.