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Step parent adoption is a much, much, much simpler process if the birth father can be found and willingly signs the papers relinquishing his parental rights and responsibilities.
In this day and age, it's really easy to find someone. After all, you have his full name, at least one former address for him, possibly a previous employer's location, possibly some family's former addresses, etc. If he's still out there using the same name and same social security number, he can be found.
But if he's truly MIA, you'll probably have to get a lawyer involved. You'll have to show you made a diligent search, that all leads led to dead ends, that you followed whatever publishing in newspapers your state requires, that you've brought whatever proof of abandonment your state requires, etc. It's not usually a long process, but it's more expensive and is somewhat longer because of the wait for court dates. If he doesn't sign voluntarially, it's a court judge who has to terminate his rights.
So if I were you, I wouldn't think about abandonment proceedings just yet. Call up the members of that "grapevine", try old family telephone numbers, talk to your lawyer about hiring a Private Investigator. It can probably be done, and with less expense and time than the abandonment procedure.
Good luck!
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