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ok, a little different situation, but i reunited with my bdad a year ago, a year ago today actually!!, and i'm a girl so a little different. but at the first actual meeting he gave me a variety of gifts...a journal, a photograph he had taken...and because we were at his family home, he pointed out a family keepsake that he had always wanted to give me....(this was over the course of a week visit...)
but the thing is, you could bring anything, its sweet the thought....but the most important gift my dad gave me was that he didn't get caught up in all that stuff you were talking about. he didn't get caught up in "male" expectations. he cried, freely...he made this sound when he hugged me...this sort of sigh of relief, that i'll never forget...he answered all of my questions without hesitation, he asked me questions about myself...he told me over and over how very proud he was of who i became...
he didn't try to keep it together. he didn't try to impress me. he just acted naturally, any emotion that surfaced, he let show... Because in the end, this is a process, and you are being kind enough to think of your son, and are preparing to do what is best for him...but you are going through this huge wave as well. Don't cheat yourself out of experiencing it, in an effort to make it this wonderful experience for everyone else. Just be. Just let it happen.
You want to experience this in all of its emotional uneasiness. Joy and sorrow. You certainly cannot contain or control it... For me, it was clearly a defining moment of my life. A day I'll never forget. So much joy, and then so much sorrow. You may find that you start to sort of grieve this life that could have been...
But you want to be present in the moment. So don't sweat it. He'll love you. My dad is far from perfect. His gifts didn't sway my vote. He has made huge mistakes and come through gloriously at other times. He's just my dad. And I love him just for him. And as an adoptee, you can see the longing in your birthparents eyes...you can see how they just want you to accept them...and frankly, as adoptees, we're worried about the same things...
So let it happen. The greatest gift you can give him is to experience this with him. To be present, and open, and let him know you're in this together. That this rollercoaster of reunion isn't a race, it's a long steady ride that you'll take together.
I know how terrifying it can be those few days leading up to it. But hang in there, its a beautiful thing, and i'm so happy you've found your son. And just because he's 17, doesn't mean that he wants to act cool all the time. Sheesh, at 17, you are dying for an excuse to let your emotions out... Have fun, experience it for all its worth, and let us know how it goes...
take care, m26
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