[sfbaymom2000]

Hi Victoria,

I love hearing from somebody in the same situation as us! Personally I did, and still do, consider over two years old an older child. But I think that description varies alot between people, agencies, and states. I think years ago, over two was considered "older" and even "special needs" (due to age only). These days, I think many people and agencies consider over five years old to be "older".

This is such a roller coaster ride...and we don't even have a placement yet! I have gotten encouraging and discouraging feedback (and often conflicting information). In orientation, I asked one of the speakers (privately) if what we were looking for (girl 2-5, relatively healthy) was unreasonable or impossible. She said not at all, and if we were willing to take a 5 year-old we "would probably have seven referrals by the time your homestudy is finished". My caseworker told me that we were more likely to find a single girl (without siblings) closer to the two range. One couple in our training classes, that wants the same type of child as us, was encouraged to consider children younger than two. That amazed me, because I thought there were a ton of people who wanted infants. Another amazing case was a woman who was in our training who was already having preplacement visits with a two year old girl (and it was going great).

When you look at photolistings you will rarely see a "healthy" girl in thes age range. That discouraged me, but I have been told that healthy young girls rarely make it to the photo listings because the social workers already know of many couples who will be interested.

The thing that is encouraging to me is that we personally know or know of several girls adopted in theis age range who are doing great! One was adopted at three by a biological relative. Two were in my daughter's dance class, each adopted by single moms (one at 2 yrs, one at 3 yrs I think). Now it seems that every time I mention fost/adopt to someone thye have a friend, neighbor, or relative who has experience with the system. Several have worked out well. I just spoke with a mom who just got her 18 month-old girl (although she also wanted from 2-5 years) a few weeks ago (after 2 years from their orientation). Many had some complaints about the process and their social worker. Some have said that they got referrals for several children who had more problems than they could handle. And a couple were heartbroken when a child they wanted went to another family.

One thing that is in Your favor and ours is being stay-at-home mom's. I mean no offense to people who need to or choose to work, but I think in this situation, not working is an advantage, because then the child does not need to adjust to daycare as well as a new home and family. A couple of people who were disappointed when kids went to other families were told that the children went to families with stay-home mom's.

Anyway, I am rambling here, but I see that you are new to the board. Are you pretty new to the process too? We were told the homestudy could take upt to six months, but it seems to be proceeding at a good pace so far. Our caseworker knows we are very eager and has tried to keep things moving. We also finished all our paperwork promptly and did our physicals, CPR/First Aid training as soon as we could.

Anyway, good luck to you. I'd love to hear what your experince has been so far.

Lynn