[JSH]

I'm very new to this forum, so please be patient if this topic has been previously addressed. My wife and I live in New Jersey, and adopted from China last December (a 10.5 month old girl from an orphanage). We had planned for everything EXCEPT a solid support system upon our return. After several days back home, we were jet-lagged, both of us had respiratory infections (our daughter had an ear infection which was misdiagnosed in China) and we panicked and voluntarily disrupted the adoption (we surrendered her to the adoption agency). A little over a week or so later we realized we made a terrible mistake and we tried to get her back (we were even ready to hire a nanny service and have friends help us with support). The adoption agency refused, and after seeking legal advice we felt it would be in everyone's best interest to let the matter be (it could have taken up to a year to go through the court, with no guarantee of a victory, and most importantly during which time the baby would effectively be in limbo). Since that time we have tried to apply to several adoption agencies to restart the process, and we have been rejected. Also, we found out that a well-known pediatrician who reviews adoption referrals for medical consults was using our situation during workshops and (while not citing us by name) used our situation and referred to us as the couple who didn't know what they wanted. So, we are tainted. My wife is infertile (just diagnosed) and we really don't know what to do. We have both been in therapy for the past 6 months, and out therapist feels we are emotionally fit to be parents, but we just can't seem to get a break. If anyone has any suggestions or words of advice for us, we would be extremely appreciative.