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Ups and downs
I can understand your situation; it involves a sibling of DN's, and he lives with you. I don't know how I would react with that factor involved. What you need are boundaries that are tight enough that you can feel comfortable with; then when the time comes, and DN would be around, you could have a plan in place for safety. With your precious daughter having been involved, in a very intense way, you need to keep the doors of conversation open at all times; you never know when she may start feeling differently about what happened. Puberty does strange things to children; just be aware. I'd make sure, whatever you decide about DN's future involvement with the family, that your daughter has a BIG say in each part of the decision. She is the victim...victim's don't live with the perpetrator; but I don't know the whole details, so just take what I say as just my thoughts.
We've had some acting out with our little girl...we are making it clear that she is letting her brother control her life, and she needs to take control. This will be a battle, but I have faith she will win in the end...she's come a long way.
We battle constantly with our anger, and we need to not let it control our lives...we're working on it...we've come a long way too.
Getting away does help. Not thinking about the decisions that lay ahead helps too. We look forward to our camping trip: different scenery, different things to put our mind to, and enjoying our family, the way we used to.
Sincerely,
One who knows
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