Dear Melissa,
I just wrote a very long reply to you, but my internet timed out, and I lost it
. I just wanted to very STRONGLY caution you about trying to adopt an infant through foster care. My husband and I are in the process of adopting our 19 month old foster daughter who has been in our home since the age of 10 days. We are thrilled to finally be able to make her legally ours and have her sealed to us. It does happen, but it is not common, and it is usually a very long, hard road when it does. I would not recommend that anybody try to adopt through foster care. If you want to do foster care, do it for the sole purpose of giving a child in need a good home, and if that child happens to become free for adoption while in your care -- GREAT! Harden your heart now, or plan for many, many tears. You have to learn to love these children as your own because that is what they deserve, despite the fact that they will most likely be taken from you. (I recommend keeping that attitude -- that they WILL most likely be taken from you). Be prepared to deal with the system, I know that some states are better than others. We had a terrible experience with our baby's case worker (she was eventually fired, and we found out later that the County Attorney had actually accused her of being a bigot, and prejudiced against us because of our religion). Bparents have unbelievable rights, and foster/adoptive parents have to jump through so many hoops. Expect that anything that can hold things up, will. Be prepared to deal with biological families, because with reunification efforts you will most likely get to know them -- decide now how you feel about maintaining contact if you are to adopt. Also remember that if you do adopt through foster care you don't have the nice story of "your biological parents loved you and only wanted what was best for you, and that is why we have you". If you want an infant, I would also strongly recommend that you educate yourself on drug and alcohol exposure, because that is pretty much the only way you will get a young baby through foster care. I have learned that drug exposed babies tend to have problems in the beginning, and may develop slowly, but usually catch up. Alcohol however, may effect them for life -- no amount of love or proper care can cure them, although it may help. Our baby is alcohol exposed and so far -- so good, but many of the effects may not show up until she starts school, or even into adolescence, and some even into adulthood. I feel that even though it has been an extremely difficult year and a half, we have been very blessed to finally be able to keep her. If we are to adopt again it will NOT be through foster care. Lastly, remember that your plan is not necessarily the Lord's plan. (That was a hard one for me to accept). I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do,
Ragan