[paperchasingmom]

Thank you, all of you for your heartfelt, honest, compassionate replies.....

Jensboys: Your post was so wonderful, so thorough. You do have such a knowledge of who they are over there and what they are looking for....Thank you again for your help....It was very kind of you to take the time to write so much for us!!!

Things have kinda changed a little--our agency is maybe backing away a little now and wanting to make sure what we're doing is what we can even "ask" that we can do now....oh gosh....and I thought we were making progress....

We've been now told, that the letter should only be one page and it CANNOT INCLUDE any reference to the birthmother and how she chose us as this is exactly what this country DOES NOT want to see, so unfortunately, her wish, her desire to have her daughter be raised here, in the states, by us, is useless....

and we SHOULD NOT discuss all the money we've spent on our child's care, expenses, hospital bills, etc. for these past 14 months as this might be misinterpreted by their government....

So those two things, which we felt added to our case, are to be left out....and now with more delays....

Actually, I have had a peace about this ever since all of you offered prayers and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that....

Manon, Thank you for your reply...and yes, what you said made sense and I have felt like that, about faith in terms of sometimes not feeling, due to the circumstances, not feeling that all would be well, not feeling that God would catch me....just due to all the circumstances surrounding this and my being human....and I truly appreciate your response especially since you said this is not the norm for you, sharing religious thoughts ....thanks for stepping out of the box and sharing your thoughts about that....

Melissa, I loved what you said about this situation is in the best hands it can be in--the same hands that created the heavens and the earth! I shared that with my husband. Thank you!!

Amanda, Thanks so much for your compassion...I wish we could have our birthmother write a letter but we can't....we're so blessed here in the states to have the ability that birthmothers, if they chose, do have complete say over who their adoptive families are....I think sometimes we do forget about just how great our country is and what it tries to accomplish by letting us have our own individual freedoms, you know....how sad that our birthmother has no say so at all over who will be chosen to raise her child, nor will she ever know where her child goes....that saddens me, both for the birthmother and her child....

Rosa, Thank you and I know what you mean when you say God IS going to catch you....I wish I had that faith all the time though! It is amazing to know that despite our circumstances around us....I think I know it, but, I guess I predispose myself to what I feel God had revealed to me about the outcome....but, I guess, if I think about it...the only thing I do know for sure is, that God did want us to be a part of this precious baby's life and if our role was only to give her the best possible start in life, due to us being willing to step in and try to fight for her and what we felt was best for her....I think that maybe, maybe our role was to just NOT have her put in an orphanage and give her an opportunity to have her first year of life, well fed, loved, adored, safely cared for by wonderful people in the other country who love her tremendously as their own and who quite possibly might end up adopting her....this is something that my husband and I have to decide upon....since we would have the power to do that....tell the nanny that we will not try to adopt her and instead ask the nanny too....which we've already discussed before....that's a very difficult decision to try to make now...unbelieveably difficult....

Plareb, thank you and you're right, it would be insincere for us to write those words that we would accept other children. My husband has said repeatedly no, whereas I was willing to reconsider a few days ago, but he says he doesn't think he can....

Robyn, Thank you and you had a great idea about the 2 children and that's exactly what we were trying to accomplish when we started our homestudy when she was just an infant....we had heard of another little boy, who at that time was 1 1/2 years old and was just wandering the streets hungry so that's why we specifically requested to be approved for two children so Little B could have an older brother from her native country and this little boy would have found a home as well....but, we've been told that quite possibly, if they see us approved for 2 children, they'd probably jump at the chance to want to give us siblings and NOT little B....because girls are very difficult to adopt from there--there is such a waiting list that they would give B to someone who has been waiting a long time (even though we've been waiting for her for 14 months and have been the one making it possible that she is getting the care she's getting!) but offer us siblings instead--which normally we would have jumped at the chance but now, we don't know what they would do since we know that they NEVER place 2 unrelated children together at the same time, unlike Russia....unfortunately..so we can't ask for little B and another child--we already tried that and were told definitely NO!

Lynn, Thank you for your honest, candid concern, you're right, the child already has crosses to bear and it's whatever parameters we feel comfortable with that we can support all the rest of their days as our children...I understand your point and I agree with you--thank you for being honest about that....and thank you for sharing your story about your daughter with us....it was heartbreaking to read...I will keep you and her in my prayers, okay?

and Judy, thank you so much for your confidence in me....you've been such a godsend in my life...thank you for your prayers all during this year!!!

Thank you again everyone, so much for your kind words and heartfelt replies....

At this point in time, my husband and I have completed our MAPP training to become foster parents for foster to adopt or straight out adopt and I have to say it has been such an enriching experience and God has flung these doors wide open and everyone within our agency is telling us to get our paperwork DONE, our homestudy, because they've already discussed us with their placement committees....everyone we've spoken too....we are so blessed to have such supporting trainers and educators who so want to give us children that need homes....

It such a 180 from what we're getting with little B's hopeful adoption.....I can't help but think that God is closing the door on our other country's adoption and is bringing us children from our own community....

Now, we're left to decide, do we continue to try to fight for little B in the other country even though we have no more money left or let the nanny adopt her and then let us accept children from foster care here that so desperately need forever families??????

Now it's another big decision that has to be made....

I've always told the Lord that I would do anything for our daughter--and if the best thing for her, albeit shown in a weird way--through not having any more money for her care or expenses or adoption costs--if the best thing for her is to stay there, then that's what I need to try to find out...what IS God trying to tell me??????

Do I dare ask again--what would you do now????????

Thanks for letting me share.....I truly feel blessed to have your opinions.....

Blessings always,

Melody