[love4]

I am an adoptive mom and my daughter not only found her birthparents, but she moved in with them and will not contact me. You don't understand. I don't see any adoptive mom in reunion here so many of you do not understand that it is just as emotional for us as it is for you. It is the most scariest time in our lives. The fear is agonizing. My worst fears came true. My daughter has little contact with us. She cannot have two relationships going at a time. My heart is broken and rejection is hard to swallow. It is easier for my daughter to be angry at me so she can go on her way and live with her b/parents. I did everything for my daughter and I was very supportive (even through my pain). I was angry, and hurt and devastated. I was always going to be very supportive and I gave my girls all the info they needed. I was going to help them. When your kids are small it seems so wonderful to be supportive. Nothing prepares you for the actual reunion. My daughter is so absorbed in her birthparents that she doesn't have time for us. She missed our birthdays, mothers day and fathers day. I have a deep love for my girls and my life was spent around them. Everything was planned around them. I wasn't perfect but I was good enough.
I never felt good enough because my daughter was so angry at feeling rejected that she took everything out on me. She thought I stole her at one time. I was there for her in all her pains and anger. I cried at night for her because she had a missing piece I COULD NOT FILL. I was just not enough for her.
Please don't be angry at adoptive moms. They are scared. They have feelings that come out in anger. I have worked through much of my anger thanks to many friends. I have met her birthparents and all my anger and fears melted. But they walked out on me. I wanted a friendship with all. I do not represent the system. I did not take anyone's child from them. If I would have known that my daughter's mom wanted desperately to keep her child I would have rather helped her than have her hurt so much. Please don't be angry at me for being scared. My worst fears happened. I feel rejected and alone. Embrace your adoptive mom and help ease her fears. Don't go behind her back. Even if she is angry, allow her to work through it. My daughter went behind my back thinking she would spare me but in reality it hurt me more. I feel like her birthparents think I was a bad mom to have her walk out on me like that. I wasn't a bad mom. I loved. An adoptive mom has a right to her emotions just as an adoptive child and birthmom. If she remains angry than that is her choice and she will probably lose. At least you did the right thing. love4