[apatterson79]

I completely understand where you are coming from on all confusion of what to do. Your story reads almost exactly like mine. We have been married about 4 years, been together for 5. At first we started trying to have a baby of our own, he had a vasectomy, so that was a lot of Dr. visits and $ to try. After I exhausted all our funds, and all my energy I decided to take a break. We looked at private adoption, but was completely devastated by not only the $ but the length of time. I could not imagine waiting years on a "LIST". So we went on to international adoption. I quickly discovered it was not as easy as it seemed and a lot more expensive than I ever imagined. After chatting with several agencies I put that idea to rest. I decided that we had this great home with a ton of extra space and so much love, the obvious choice for us to become foster/adoptive parents for our county. We both agreed it was a wonderful idea and were both very involved in the classes. We actually have our last class tonight. Throughout the classes and before starting the classes it was to my understanding that we would be one of the only families in our county and we are needed badly. We were ready. We bought beds after the 3rd class and I have been collecting toys,books, and other items ever since then. We were told we would complete the homestudy in July and probably have kids by August....only 1 small problem. At the last class it was the panel night. These parents basically told us all good luck to find kids in your age range and that their homes sit empty...as much as 1yr and a half at a time. We are going for ages 0-5, with up to age 10 as a case by case. I was completely confused, heartbroken, and devastated. I had been looking at our SNAP site since we first started trying to get pregnant 2 years ago...every child I think we would match with ends up being on hold or placement pending. So, I am looking at other states. Matter of fact that is what I have been doing all morning. There have been so many kids that I think would be a great match for us...but I don't know how our Social Worker will feel about me searching out of state before my homestudy is even complete. I still want to foster in my county, and adopt if it ever becomes possible, but I have found all of these children everywhere else that needs homes too. I am so unsure what to do. I know I haven't been any help to you. I just wanted you to know I am in the same boat you are in.