[HangingOn]

I know the look you are talking about. Ds had that look the last time we saw him. We have to balance our sympathy with the hard facts of life. Ds made some bad choices; he also picked a lifestyle that will never fit in our home again. There will always be love for the child, but that love will have to be long distance.
I'd be very careful if your dn is placed in your town, in foster care. Ours threatened to kill our little kids, and I believe him.
Your parents have given a lot in keeping dn; for the sake of your family's future, it's a good thing that dn be placed in a neutral place.
Don't expect a trial. We went to court, our lawyer and the other lawyers talked it over and came to an agreement; we were told what the outcome was. Be sure you let your lawyer know exactly what you expect before they negotiate.
The county attorney wanted to adjudicate on all seven of our kids! NO WAY! We finally got the court papers, closing the case on our six at home. If we would have gone along, just to get the state to pay for the therapy, we would have been tied to the state for another year.
Your main obligation is to your dd; she's the victim. Dn will be fine; in fact you will probably be amazed at the good treatment he will get in an RTC. Our's is only now getting a taste of what he deserves; and he still has it better than would be expected.
I'm so pleased to hear how up-front you were with dn; no surprises.
Thanks for sharing with me. Sometimes it's a lonely road to travel.