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I know know exactly how you feel, we went through a very similar situation with my wifes cousin. The only difference in our situation was the the state gave us custody right off the bat so we had control of visitations. She ended up having her rights termed and we adopted him.
Do what Mom2J suggested about finding out what social services plans are before you make any drastic decisions. Also let them know what her mom is doing.
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Sledge
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