My dh and I are new FPs to a girl, my 4-year-old second cousin. We were notified by Maternal Grandparents desperately seeking family to take her, who were denied custody themselves. We took a live scan to support the family, along with other family members, assuming we wouldn't quailify as told by a csw because our house was not quite big enough to give fd own room, only same sex children can share a room, as told; turns out that this is not the case when related. Within one short week, the csw was at our door with our fd. We have 3 bio boys 3, 5, and 18. When we accepted this child into are home, we thought are biggest challenge would be to adjust to another child. However, this is not the case.
In the two short months that we have had her, the “family baggage” has become increasingly more than what we can handle. We are frustrated and are considering giving her up; however, this beautiful child has been past around in three different foster homes, one in which was abusive. She has become attached to us, as we are to her. I’m terrified of what might happen to her if we give her up, and the sacrifice my family must continue to endure if we don’t. Could it possibly get better?
The bio mother is allowed daily calls and X hours a week monitored visits. And, yes monitored by us
. She is exhausting to deal with and continually tries to manipulate her daughter. She is selfish, and spends more time discussing herself and bf rather than spending time with her daughter. She speaks to her as if she's a 30-year-old, and is always begging for me to let her introduce her bf to her daughter. No, means nothing to her. Her last visit, she was showing off her new tattoo. I had to spend an hour with all my kids explaning why we don't need a tattoo, after fd said she wanted one like mommy. That was just the last visit. Her last phone call included a conversation about a date, which I had to stop. For three days fd talked about dates, and how she wants to go on a date. Once again, I'm trying to explain to my young audiance. She will not comply with any CPS demands and I don't believe she's expected to be reunited with her daughter. The grandfather is controlling, but at least he supports our decisions, the grandmother does not respect our wishes (to make a very long story short), who is my mothers twin sister and once my best friend. She supports her daughter, even when wrong, i.e. "I don't see nothing wrong with introducing bf." She is also marketing fd father to participate in calling to speak his daughter. Bio dad is also allowed daily phone calls, but hasn't called yet. He is in prison, again. Usually for violent abused or drug dealing. It's making me sick. I talked to csw about it, but I'm told family placements are the hardest and this is normal. Normal?
CPS is trying to get us legal guardianship. I'm not sure what that does for us, but I'm not sure I really want it. I'm a failure, a looser. I feel incapaible of protecting my fd from her own rotton family, and unable to stop the dirt from leaking into my bio sons. I just can't stomach this anymore. My heart wants to keep fd and adopt when (pretty sure it's when and not if) the time comes. My brain says "Are you stupid?" Is it worth it? What should I do?
Desperately needing help - Michelle