[HappyMomAnna]

Mysticah--I just LOVE hearing stories like yours! Your expereince is very typical to that of MANY of us who do adopt an older child from Foster Care and it is So AWESOME that your daughter came around and blossomed! (secreatly gives me great hope with our little girl)

What you have shared is the common road and YES there are stories of things going easier and children just getting right on with life--and there are stories of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) where the children have a horrible time healing if they ever get the right help....Most stories will fall between the two extreams...and MANY MANY families can and do have sucess and homes filled with love and children who become PEOPLE we love and respect...

What you offered your daughter was a chance to be the ONLY child and in many ways that is one of the greatest gifts we can give these hurt children.... Where my concerns come into the biggest play is when we adopt a child and there are OTHER children in the home.... Someone is going to GET less...and the other children will suffer when we have hours and hours of rages...or unbelievable behaviors.... Much of which is very sneaky and covert... We do not want one child to cause three others to suffer from issues they may not be able to deal with...

Things that families with children need to consider are beyond the LOVE and efforts we can offer the hurt child....We must consider the POSSIBILTY of the things that may happen to the other children....sexual abuse, learning to steal, sneak and being a possible target of someone who is HURT and ANGRY. False allegations....also happen fairly often.

We NEED families willing to adopt these children but not to the sacrafice of healthy and unhurt children. When the children in the household are of an age to defend themselves--and be co-parental to the newly placed adoptee then I feel the chances of success are so much greater...

If a child is placed into a home and that child harms the other children it often becomes a choice of protecting the healthy kids and disrupting an adoption.....a disrupted adoption HURTs the child even more and makes attachting in another family even more difficult. Any family who adopts an older child needs to be willing to KEEP that child NO MATTER WHAT.......when no matter what is the harm to another child the issues can be devastating.