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I just found my birthmother 2 weeks ago. I am trying really hard to understand her feelings. She has not yet contacted my since i wrote her a week and a half ago. I know it must have come as a shock since she is not searching. I guess I always thought that I would be in control of the situation,but now she is. It is kind of difficult to realize that the dreams that I had of her pining away for me are not really a reality. On the other hand I have to remember how grateful I am for her choice. I want her to see me so that she can see that a seemingly bad situation turned out to be exactly what God had for me. I have a fantastic life. Unfortunately not all adoptees can say that with honesty ,but regardless of the reason we can never know how differant we would have turned out if we had stayed in the tense situation. The only real solice is to remember God has a plan for everyone and good or bad it only matters if you make somthing positive out of something difficult. Relax. Breathe. and be positive. This hurt or frustration cannot last forever if you do not let it.
Don't misunderstand I would love to hound her until she finally looks at me--but i I want her to love me and be proud not loathe my name. I am going to continue searching for my father. I have no idea what his name is or his birthdate or even where he lives---Maybe someday I will.
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