[HappyMomAnna]

I have adopted a 6 year old from the foster care system and her baby brother. I am an experienced mother with two children in college.... Not even at home.

Children from Foster care are VERY emotionally needy--have behavior issues that you did not mold--or often do not know about until they arrise...

Our daughter has been constant non-stop and consuming for the past year and a half....Her needs are a very huge priority because if we fail to help her heal now she will pay the cost later...

She IS the center of the family--she requires parents who can drop everything and run. She requires counseling at least once a week....she has tantrums that last between 3-6 hours...She hits...she bites...scratches....sneaks into everything......sexually acts out with daddy...... cannot be left in a room alone.......cries.....and needs mommies undivided attention....

I personally would never have been able to manage this situation if my biological children were still living at home needing me to take them to games, or help them with homework....Sometimes with our little girl the WORLD must stop and I must do what needs to be done....Maybe in a few years she will be healthy and have recovered from the HORIFIC abuse she expereinced...

The children in Foster Care are there for reasons...They were not taken away from a parent like you are....They are already very formed by the age of five--they already have habits...they do not forget and wake up happy to have everything you want to give them....they have learned how to survive...minipulate...and get what they need.....they have DEEP pain and grief to overcome they have often lost a biological parent and a foster family or tow or three before they meet you....

Attachment can take as long as three years...and still may not ever happen...Attachment requires intensive and non-stop efforts...

Personally, I would wait to adopt an older child if you start off wondering how much time you need to give...Wait until you can give all your time...