[Sleepydream]

Our son's bdad did not want to consent. He was indisposed at the time of birth (read "on the run") and there was another possible bfather. After we had our son about 6 months (just 2 weeks before finalization), he turned himself in freshly married to a 19 year old girl with fertility problems demanding a paternity test and full custody should it show him to be the biological father. The test did show him to be the bdad, we went through a year of hearings in which he attempted to contest the adoption. After ALL this, he ended up consenting on the day of our trial (we would have certainly won anyway with the case we had built). SO....my advice to you is, speak with a VERY good attorney (someone with lots of adoption trial experience) in your state and tell him upfront the possibility of bdad refusing consent and TPR. See what they say. Some states if he does not file with a putative father registry within several days of the birth, he is barred from contesting. All states have standards for termination of parental rights without consent. The thing you have to ask yourself is, do you want this child if he will NOT consent and you have to fight to keep it and win on a technicality OR risk losing the child after a year long (at least) court battle? In our case it was a no brainer since this guy is a career criminal and a drug addict of over 10 years, plus we had already had N 6 months and he was OUR son by then. There is no doubt in my mind we did the right thing. Not only that, but Ns bmom was beside herself with worry that he would gain custody. The possibility scared her to death and we had an obligation to her and her family as well. However, if this person was a good guy who had expressed a desire to parent prior to birth and taken responsible action towards that goal in a timely manner I doubt we would have felt the same way. I can say the demanding payment for consent (how it sounds to me) is dispicable IMO and NOT making him look like a very good guy, but you have said nothing that makes me believe this child would not be safe with him which is one of several things the court would look at should he contest. This is JUST my opinion though, make of it what you will.