[scrapandtell]

Hi! It's great that you are talking about adoption! One of the benefits of the lifebook is that it helps bring up the topic of adoption more often and helps make adoption discussion part of our normal, every day lives.

Personally, and although I am no expert I have done quite a bit of research, I think telling your daughter as much as you can (using age appropriate words of course) and showing her pictures now will be the most helpful to her. She may not grasp everything you say, but hearing the words from you now, rather than from someone less well-intentioned later, will help prepare her for intrusive conversations or comments that are bound to come.

I recently wrote about the child whose classmate asked a relatively simple question "Why don't you live with your birthmother?" The child was caught totally off guard, did not know how to answer the question or realize why it was being asked and became visibly distressed and confused.

In this situation, had she been exposed to the circumstances of her adoption upfront, she would have at least been "armed" with the knowledge and not been blinded like a deer in headlights. If you have the opportunity to explain the basics to her (including who her birthparents are and why she is not living with them) and can do so in a loving, age-appropriate manner, then you have opened the doors to more healthy adoption-related (and other) conversations as she matures.

I understand the desire to protect your daughter from any unpleasantness there may be associated with her adoption, but in my opinion, waiting until she is 18 is too late.

Very sincerely,