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Yes, it matters how long you have been married. Each state sets their own minimum time for the couple to have been married before they would process a step-parent adoption. Some consider the length of the "relationship" but most only consider the length of the marriage.
Would she be willing to sign her rights/responsibilities to the child away? If she's willing for you to adopt, and willing to sign papers to that effect, the process gets a WHOLE lot easier. You get to skip all of the "termination of parental rights" business that otherwise has to be done in a court.
Does the mother pay child support, mail letters or Christmas/birthday presents, inquire about the child from other relatives? Any of those *could* be considered enough contact or care for the court to not terminate her rights. The absence of any sort of support or contact can usually be used to terminate the bio parent's rights even if he/she objects.
Your first step is probably a lawyer experienced with parental abandonment and step-parent adoptions in your state. He can tell you how long you'd have to wait to start the process, what specific grounds you may have for claiming abandonment by the bio mother, and how much he'd charge to complete the adoption for you.
Some states allow adults to file for this sort of thing without a lawyer, but unless you can get the bio mother to sign voluntarially it's not recommended - there are too many details to proving abandonment to risk not doing it correctly. But it's something to look into.
About the asterisks - the abbreviation you want to use is also used as an abbreviation for a particular bathroom function, and is therefore considered impolite and not used on this forum. Biological mother, bio mom, birth mother, birthmom, etc - those are all fine to use.
Good luck!
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