[manon]

About being willing to say you'd take a different child from that country if you can't adopt the one you love -- I think it's just part of the leap of faith you're going to have to make. I agree with everything you said about how it would be hard to switch gears and think about adopting a new child when you'd have so much grieving to do over not adopting the child you want to adopt, if it turns out that way.

That's kind of the problem of thinking you know what it is exactly that God has promised to you. What if you got on the plane and got there only to discover that, god forbid, the little girl you've loved and planned on adopting had just passed away from some sudden serious illness? And that they have a child there who needs you? Can you be sure God didn't intend for all of this to happen so you would be there to help that other child instead?

I don't know what I'd do if I were you, because I'm not you. I just know what I would do myself. It feels strange to me to give such religious advice given that I've always been not a particularly religious person myself, but I think faith doesn't mean doing what you know God wants you to do. I think it means stepping on out there not knowing if God is gonna catch you. Otherwise it's not faith, it's a certainty. Does that make any sense?

Best wishes to you & your husband in making this decision.