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I have adopted 5 of my foster children. My daugher is 6 years old; she was placed with us at the age of 2 1/2. She had some of the worst tantrums I've ever seen in a 2 year old - within 6 months they escalated into 2-3 hour daily rages. Initially the worst rages occured after sib visits (2 of her sisters ended up with acute psychiatric admissions following the last visit). It is my experience that regardless of the trigger, these rages are a significant symptom of a serious problem. You did not say anything about your son's history, but I'm guessing that is was quite chaotic and traumatic.
My daughter has a wonderful child psychiatrist and is on medication and a very strict behavior management plan. There are still days when her temper tantrums grow into unbelievable rages that require us to physically restrain her for her own safety (she doesn't intentionally try to harm herself - but has done so because she becomes completely detached from her environment by the end of a rage).
There are days when I question whether or not we did the "right" thing by adopting her. The answer is always YES! She is my daughter and I love her unconditionally. She now has the diagnoses of ADHD, ODD, RAD and PTSD. She is in a self-contained classroom for emotionally impaired children and is doing very well academically. I am quite certain that a psychiatric admission is in the not so distant future and that she may eventually need to be placed in some type of residential treatment setting. And while I agree with the "one day at a time" approach - you may find that you need to take things one hour at a time (or even one minute at a time).
With that being said - I have a loving partner who is very dedicated to our children. I had to quit my nursing job in order to stay home with the children. I cannot find anyone (even most family) to babysit my daugher - she cannot attend a regular day care or summer day camp. I was being called home from work on a regular basis to "deal with" my daughter. I still get infrequent calls from the school because of her behaviors. I'm not sure that I could deal with all of this if I were a single parent. You will have to look to your heart AND your head to make this decision. If you do chose to adopt - remember that love is important, but does not conquer all. It is a long, difficult road that may or may not become any easier. If you decide not to, you must know that you made the right decision at the time and forgive yourself - as guilt feelings seem to be a part of these heart-wrenching decisions.
I wish you much luck and peace in whatever decision you make.
Rhonda
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